Young Love: What Are Some Guidelines For a Successful Marriage?

Michal the daughter of Saul loved David and was given to him in marriage. This love soon turned to Michal despising David in her heart. Women want to be loved. They want to give love and they want to receive love. That is a basic need that all humans need. Michal was willing to give love but was caught in a political power play.

The need to give love and receive love is necessary for human survival. It is just as important as the air we breathe and the food and water we eat and drink. Every person needs to have the feelings of belonging and acceptance. This belonging and acceptance can include families, friendships, professional relationships, even club and religious groups belonging and acceptance. Every person need to be respected by others, recognition by others, even fame, prestige and attention. Every person need to also be touched by others. This can be emotional, spiritual and physical touching. Without this need of belonging and acceptance we can cease to exist.

Looking at the love between Michal and David shows that Michal was interested in the external appearance of David. She might have fallen in love with David’s good looks, strong physical appearance. She was not interested in the man himself. She did not share his love for the LORD God. Whenever love is based on the physical appearance of a person it is destined to fail. A relationship that does not take the time to explore the inner person will always be a disappointing relationship.
A relationship or marriage that is between a believer and an unbeliever will always have deep conflict. Just like the relationship between Michal and David; a marriage between a believer who strives to do the things that please the LORD, the unbeliever will strive to do the things of the world. Soon the resentment begins then the taunting and insulting words and the chasm in the marriage grows.

The secret to a successful marriage is to realize that the joining of a man and woman together by the LORD God for life, until “death do you part.” The best guarantee for a successful marriage is having Christ in the heart, home and the head of your union. Both potential husband and wife need to first have a relationship with Christ so the couple can move forward in their growth toward a perfect union between themselves as Christ as their head.
This is more than just saying you “believe in God or a supreme being” it is more than being “a Christian.” Share you belief with each other know what you believe and why you believe it. Then share it. When you know your partner follows after Christ then it is easier to keep Christ in the center of your home. “Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. “ (Psalms 127:1-3).

Everywhere you look you can find the “rules for a successful marriage.” What are some of these guidelines of a successful marriage? I remember reading in Dear Abby when she gave her list of “Ten Rules for a Happy Marriage” I cut it out of the newspaper and posted on the refrigerator. I have taken the liberty of adding my suggestions under “Dear Abby.”

1. Never retire for the night angry with each other.

This is such great advice to remain angry over hurts is so extremely dangerous. The hurts can grow and get all distorted. “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26).

2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

Physical abuse can be life threatening and is a serious problem that demands immediate attention. The spouse and family members who have been physically abused must find a safe environment in which to live. Both husband and wife need to seek professional help through a qualified Christian marriage counselor. The LORD God does not expect either husband or wife to live with a physically abusive spouse. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.

Learn a good communication technique because communication is a key ingredient for any successful marriage. Learn to talk through all situations. Bottling up hurts only makes them become unmanageable and that is not good. Show respect to each other and really understand the other partner’s side. There are always two ways to take what someone says. Jesus tells us: “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (James 5:16).

4. If you must criticize, do it lovingly.

Accept your partner for whom they are. Instead of trying to change something about your partner change your way of looking at them. If you have gotten married thinking you can simply change the person once you are married you are sadly mistaking. If a behavior needs to be addressed do it supportively and with encouragement. What we say to each other should be acceptable in the sight of the LORD. (Psalm 19:14).

5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.

Leave the past in the past. You have to ignore the small stuff. There are challenges in every marriage. Life is precious and short focus on larger battles and work through these challenges as a team. Going forward is more important than going backward. Past mistakes and sins should be taken to the Lord not to your partner. “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” (Proverbs 18:13).

6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

Once married the man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24). Cling to each other, make the decisions that are best for you not what the world is doing, or even what your family is doing or has done in the past. Make your own life together. Everyone brings “baggage” into a marriage. Hopefully much of this “baggage” has been dealt with before the marriage. If not you, have to resolve these matters without the interference of family members no matter how good the intentions are.

7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

This is different than the first statement because this one suggests not going to sleep with an argument unsettled. The danger of unsettled argument is they can grow and get blown out of proportion. Pray out loud together then discuss the argument. Once the Lord is brought into it unsettled arguments can be settled fast. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.” (James 1:5-7).

8. At least once every day say a kind or complimentary word to your life partner.

Criticizing, nagging, and faultfinding can destroy trust in a marriage and eventually destroy love. Find something to praise. It is easy to find fault it takes love to praise. Put your life partner first and nurture that love for each other. 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 is a wonderful reminder about love suffering long, and is kind, does not envy, love does not boast of itself nor does it puff up, love does not act unbecomingly.

9.  When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.

There is no one perfect both partners need to be ready to be forgiving with each other. All marriages face trying and tough times. Mistakes happen and often there are harsh words spoken. Be understanding with each other and the three magic words in a marriage are “I am sorry.” Every new day is another beginning together. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).

10. Remember it takes two to make a quarrel.

Have you ever tried to quarrel all by yourself? It just does not happen. Here is another opportunity to be understanding. Everyone has bad days when nothing goes right. Many quarrels start because one partner has had a bad day. A hug and a kiss can resolve many a quarrel before it gets started. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. he tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness..” (Proverbs 15:1-2).

These are a basic list of how to have a successful marriage. This list says nothing about the external appearance. Young couples must take time to get to know each other not only before the marriage but it should continue after the marriage ceremony. A couple must take an interest in the other person’s emotional, physical and spiritual needs: Forever caring for each other out of love having Christ as their head.

Cite Article Source

MLA Style Citation:

Holstein, Joanne “Young Love: What Are Some Guidelines For a Successful Marriage?.” Becker Bible Studies Library Jan 2015.<,>.

APA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2015, January) “Young Love: What Are Some Guidelines For a Successful Marriage?.” Becker Bible Studies Library. Retrieved from,.

Chicago Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2015) “Young Love: What Are Some Guidelines For a Successful Marriage?.” Becker Bible Studies Library (January),, (accessed).

Joanne Holstein is a Becker Bible Studies Teacher and Author of Guided Bible Studies for Hungry Christians. She is a graduate of Psychology/Christian and Bible Counseling with Liberty University. She is well-known as a counselor to Christian faithful who are struggling with tremendous burden in these difficult times. She is a leading authority on historical development of Christian churches and the practices and beliefs of world religions and cults.

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