What is forgiveness?
“Forgiveness is an act that joins moral truth, forbearance, compassion, and commitment to repair torn human relationships by releasing anger, fear, and the desire for revenge. It requires a truthful examination and turning from the past that neither ignores past wrongs nor excuses them, that neither overlooks justice nor reduces justice to revenge, that insists on the humanity of opponents even in their commission of dehumanizing deeds, and that values justice that restores above justice that destroys.” (Erbe, 2006). Forgiveness requires that the act and the damage it caused are confronted in specific deliberate ways. In other words, forgiveness is the “reestablishment of a moral relationship between enemies, or between victim. (Enright, 2001).
Reconciliation:
To reconcile is to restore the relationship, bringing the victim and offender back to pre-conflict equilibrium. Where forgiving is the act of an individual and only requires one person, reconciliation requires the active cooperation of the other people in and affected by the damaged relationship. Where forgiveness is a solitary action, reconciliation cannot occur in solitude.
Forgiveness methods Five steps for granting the gift of forgiveness (R. Klimes)
A. Acknowledge the anger and hurt caused by the clearly identified specific offenses.
B. Bar revenge and any thought of inflicting harm as repayment or punishment to the offender.
C. Consider the offender’s perspective. Try to understand his/her attitude and behavior.
D. Decide to accept the hurt without unloading it on the offender. Passing it back and forth magnifies it.
E. Extend compassion and good will to the offender. That releases the offended from the offense.
Four stages of forgiveness (Enright & Fitzgibbons)
1. Uncovering: Gaining insight into whether, and how, the injustice and subsequent injury have compromised his or her life. Confronting anger and shame. Becoming aware of potential emotional exhaustion. Becoming aware of cognitive preoccupation. Confronting the possibility that the transgression could lead to permanent change for them. Discovering how the transgression changed their view of the world.
2. Decision: Gaining an accurate understanding of what forgiveness is, and making a decision to commit to forgiving on the basis of this understanding
3. Work: Gaining a deeper understanding of the offender and beginning to view the offender in a new light (reframing), resulting in positive change in affect about the offender, about the self, and about the relationship. Showing empathy and compassion. Bearing the pain.
Giving the moral gift of forgiveness:
4. Deepening: Finding meaning in the suffering (post-suffering growth). Consideration of times when we have needed other’s forgiveness. Knowing that we’re not alone. Becoming aware that forgiveness allows us to feel more connected with others and to experience decreased negative emotion
Forgiveness is not an option! It is mandatory: Matthew 6:14-15
Parable of Unforgiving servant: Matthew 18:21-35 7X70 – 490 times
Becoming as a new creature: 2 Corinthians 5:17-21
There can be no wholeness without forgiveness
The whole goal for forgiveness is to restore a relationship to good will and trust with that person who has hurt you. When there is forgiveness there is no longer the motivated desire to protect ourselves. There is a motivation to heal that relationship. Forgiveness gives the desire to think good thoughts about our spouse, have a positive rather than negative remembrance of the spouse. There is motivation to restore the relationship to a stronger partnership than before. Forgiveness gives hope to a relationship of trust and goodwill in the hope that there may be healing of the relationship.
Cite Article Source
MLA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne. “What is Forgiveness?” Becker Bible Studies Library Sept 2014. https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p =5109. Retrieved [dateMLA].
APA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne. (2014). “What is Forgiveness?.”Becker Bible Studies Library. Retrieved from https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p =5109. Retrieved: [dateAPA].
Chicago Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne. (2014) “What is Forgiveness?.” Becker Bible Studies Library (June), https://guidedbiblestudies.com/? =5109 (accessed [dateChi]).
