Favoritism of a child
Rebekah and Isaac both showed favoritism between their two boys without knowing the outcome of their actions. Favoritism hurts the whole family unit and it is up to us to stop it.
Isaac and Rebekah did show favoritism with their two boys. They did not know the outcome of this just like we do not know the outcome of favoritism of a child. Favoritism by one or both parents can affect children. It is a natural condition for children to compete for either their mother’s or father’s attention. It is the responsibility of parents to not show favoritism because of the attention being shown.
It is also a natural condition for parents to have different relationships with each children and that is perfectly alright. It is how you deal with the different relationship that needs to be addressed. First is to recognize if there is favoritism or is it just the different type of relationship. Is there still some kind of a relationship with the other child? There are no two children who are alike. It is not realistic to say each child should be treated equally.
When a parent gives more time or attention or privileges to one of the children the less-favored child may suffer emotionally, decreased self-esteem and behavioral problems. The more favored usually does excel, has high self-esteem and behavioral problems are lessened. Being the favored one may also be problematic because the child can become aggressive. There is an expectation of always being favored in every situation. There can be an acting out if they are not the center of attention. Less favored children feel diminished and unfairly treated compared to the favorite child who feels more highly valued and specially deserving.
Favoritism takes a toll on not only the children and their relationship but it also can harm the family dynamics. We saw in the case of Isaac and Rebekah the distention between Esau and Jacob. It is common to see that the less favored child directs anger at the favored child. Esau was going to bet the blessing this was not fair since both children were twins. This caused mistrust between Isaac and Rebekah and the anger between Esau and Jacob. The end result was two brothers were never close until later in life. Parents lost the contact of one son, Jacob, and were left with a resentful Esau.
Children are very shaped by their family circumstances. Children carry how they were treated by their parent into their own adult life and their own family dynamics. If the gender made a difference, or the oldest or youngest was treated different, or even the temperament of the child made a difference in the relationship and favoritism then this is going to be carried on to their own children. The children may not even realize that they are displaying favoritism to their own children and they may not even recognize why they would display favoritism.
Favoritism can be repeated in future generations. Jacob married and had 12 children. He also had a favorite child, and thus continued the damaging cycle in his family. Jacob favored Joseph and the other brothers turned against him. Jacob and Joseph were separated just like Jacob and Rebekah had been. It is also interesting to note that when Joseph had Jacob bless his two sons Jacob switched hands and the youngest received the blessing instead of the oldest. Look at your family dynamics and go back to the other generations did you mother or grandmothers or your father or grandfathers speak of favoritism? What type of favoritism was it and are you practicing the same type of favoritism?
The reasons for parental favoritism are varied according to the relationship with the children. Similarity between the parent and child is a common reason for favoritism. The highly accomplishment child will be favored and gain the most approval, attention and even a greater sacrifice from the parents. The cooperative child that always does what they are told and never disobedient can be a favorite. The oldest child had the undivided attention until the next child came along and then had to share the attention could be the favorite. The youngest could get more favoritism because they are the baby.
There could be favoritism between the genders of the children the only son or only daughter.
Parents can stop favoritism by watching their own behavior and listening to the complaints that the children share. Every child thinks the other child is favored that is a given. There are steps that can be taken to prevent the chance of favoritism. Do not compare the children to each other to the children or other people or even in your heart and mind. If you see jealousy between the children take an honest look as to why the jealousy is occurring. Is there something that is happening between the parents to cause the feeling of jealousy?
The way parents can rectify favoritism is to mix it up so one parent is not always with the same child. Tell each of the children that they are the favorite periodically so all the children experiences being the favorite child. If there is friction with one child make sure there is a resolution that occurs and makes that child a favorite once the matter has been resolved. This also will improve the behavior of the child and improve the relationship with the parent.
Isaac and Rebekah favored one son over the other with disastrous consequences for their lives and their following generations. It is our responsibility to stop favoritism among our children so they may grow according to the LORD God’s intention. The Bible gives us some advice as to how we might achieve this.
Every member of our family has a purpose under God with tools to carry out what He expects us to do. We are reminded in 1 Corinthians 12:14-17 “For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.”
The best gift we as parents can give our children is the sense of belonging with a lot of love and no favoritism. Proverbs 22:6 tells us “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Parents have a great responsibility in raising their children to be all they can be for the LORD. It takes a great deal of prayer and endurance.
We need to teach our children the love, respect and commandments of the LORD God so they may walk in His Will and in His Ways all their lives. Deuteronomy 6:5-8 puts it this way; “And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”
Cite Article Source
MLA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne “Favoritism of a child:.” Becker Bible Studies Library Feb 2015.< https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=2290,>.
APA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2015, February) “Favoritism of a child:.” Becker Bible Studies Library. Retrieved from https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=2290,.
Chicago Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2015) “Favoritism of a child:.” Becker Bible Studies Library (February), https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=2290, (accessed).
