Losing a Child to Death
There is nothing worse than the loss of a loved one. If that loved one happens to be a child it makes it even harder to cope with. The coping challenge become a heart wrenching dilemma for Christians. Grief is intensely personal and there is no detailed critique, assessment or even a special type of psychoanalysis that is going to tell a grieving parent the proper way to grieve.
The medical world and the world of science has learned to cure many disease, slow down death, and in some cases even prevent death. The one thing the world of man, medicine and science cannot accomplish is the elimination of death. That belongs to the blood of Jesus Christ and only in Him can death be conquered. The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1Corinthians 15:55-57). Our Savior Jesus Christ, has abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. (2 Timothy 1:10). The LORD God will redeem our soul from the power of the grave; for He shall receive us. (Psalms 49:15).
There is nothing worse than the loss of a child. It is harder to accept, and cope with, it is also harder to move forward after the loss of a child. Just because the parents and loved ones are Christian does not protect or even shield them from the agonizing painful grief that is felt deep in the soul. There is no magic pill, no special Bible verse or no “soft” words that are going to magically eliminate or even minimize the overwhelming grief. If that loved one happens to be a child it makes it even harder to cope with. The coping challenge become a heart wrenching dilemma for Christians. There can be feelings of despair, anxiety, helplessness, aggression, even feelings of guilt.
Grief is intensely personal and there is no detailed critique, assessment or even a special type of psychoanalysis that is going to tell a grieving parent the proper way to grieve. There is no rule of thumb that is going to tell a parent or love one how they should feel and when to feel it. Grief does not begin until the numbing shock of the news of the death has taken place. The emotional turmoil of grief ebbs and flows into stages. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. a well-known Swiss American psychiatrist, identified five stages of grief.
The first stage is Denial: The shock of the loss leads to the denial. This cannot be happening to me I am a Christian. There has been a mistake I am loved by Jesus and He would never take my child. My child is so special and innocent this just is not happening to me.
The second stage is Anger: Anger can take many different forms and encompass a whole gamut of possibilities. Something has to be blamed for the death of a child. It is not uncommon for ager to turn against the Lord. If there was a loving God He would never have taken my precious child. Some deny the existence of a loving God. Still others describe the feelings of betrayal of God. Twenty-seven in a survey from the Journal For The Scientific Study of Religion express themselves as angry “I wanted to punch God in the face for letting this happen.” Some felt hatred for God. One Christian woman wrote five months after a stillbirth “The last time I talked to God I called him a bastard and demanded my baby back.” (Bakker. 2013 pg 653). Another Christian mother, five years after her infant died, wrote “I do not understand why some people receive a miracle and why I didn’t. But I still believe in His sovereignty, I am awed by Him and I am sometimes angry with Him. But I am unable to not believe. ” (Bakker. 2013 pg 654).
The third stage is Bargaining: Trying to change the circumstances making promises of being a better person if only the Lord would bring the child back. Promising to go to church or donate more time and money if only they could wake up and see their child. This bargaining can come in any form of varieties or types of arrangements or promises. Bargaining is really an attempt to postpone the inevitability the child is lost. This is usually when the blaming of the parent or the love one begins to blame themselves for whatever caused the death of the child.
The fourth stage is Depression: This could be clinical or chronic sometimes requiring antidepressants sometimes it does not. It is not uncommon for the Christian to have shaky or even lose their faith in God. This is the “I really do not care anymore, it is what it is” stage. It is when the parents or love one reaches the hopelessness and helplessness of their life. Just to get up can more than they can do. This is when those around them can tell they are depressed and that their grief of their loss has got the best of them. It is evident in their speech, their expressions and even in the way they are dressed. They may not want to eat or be around others. Depression can be the result of a downward spiral of the stages of denial, anger bitterness and even of self-pity. It is the desperation to gain some kind of understanding and reason then a giving up. This is a recurring emotional process that feeds on itself and only ends when the cycle is somehow interrupted.
The fifth stage is Acceptance: This stage that the parent or love ones are ready for whatever comes their way. This stage of acceptance is not a recognition or an approval of what had happened. It is a time when their struggles are over and they pronounce that their troubles are not over and the acceptance is grief is over and there is a readiness to begin the process of moving one. Gradually the memories of the child are more precious as well as gradually less painful and likewise more pleasant and enjoyable to remember. This is when the healing can begin to take place.
There are Biblical examples that may possibly be able to help get through the five stages of grief. Remembering grief is intensely personal there is no one example that can categorically fit all. There is no easy solution in eliminating grief nor is there any one solution with dealing with grief. Grief has to be felt and dealt with in the fashion one deems best for them. The Bible examples are words of encouragement, example the people grieving are not alone, and possibly give insight on an alternative way of dealing with guilt.
The Bible tells us we are not to weep as others which have no hope. If we believe that Jesus Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18). When our believing loved ones die we will see again. That does not change the grief we feel nor that we miss them now.
Maybe as Christians we can improve and change the Kübler-Ross, five stages of grief to the Christian Answer, five stages of grief.
Denial/ Faith: denial is a long way from true faith. Even the disciples showed denial and can be seen from the prospective of the disciple when Jesus predicted He must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. Peter suffered denial when he began to rebuke Jesus. (Matthew 17:22-23;Mark 8:31-34). We also saw faith in action after the death of Jesus. (Matthew 28:18; Acts 2:17-22; John 16:27-30).
Anger/Forgiveness: can be seen when Jesus went into the temple of the LORD God, and cast out all those that sold and brought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves. (Matthew 21:12). Just prior to the death of Jesus, while He was hanging on the cross; “Jesus said, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” (Luke 23:34).
Bargaining/Submission: When we bargain with the LORD God we are acknowledging He is superior. We see the struggle and agony of our Lord Jesus Christ in Gethsemane prior to His own death. Jesus bargains “Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.” (Mark 14:36). In this verse alone we witness Jesus bargaining and His submission when He said it is the Will of the LORD God not His will.
Depression/ Hope: When Jesus went to Gethsemane and took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be sore amazed or affrighted, and to be very heavy which is being depressed. He said unto the disciples, His soul was exceeding sorrowful unto death: tarry here, and watch. (Mark 14: 32-32). More evidence of depression was about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34). When Jesus had Resurrected He met with the disciples into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them. Jesus came and spoke unto them, saying, “All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.” (Matthew 28:18).
Acceptance/Love: The acceptance and love comes with the parting words of Jesus instruction to His disciples to go and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. (Matthew 28:19-20).
Jesus knew the pain of grief and had taught that “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4). The hope and reward comes in Revelation “And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” (Revelations 21:4).
Grief is an agony a heartbreak that can affect anyone, any age, any maturity, and any faith. Grief takes time. The loss of a loved one we grieve will never be forgotten. The feelings of grief may be lessened, and the memories of sadness and hopelessness bay pass but we will never forget the person we have lost. Jesus tried to lessen the disciples anguish over His death when He told them to “Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.” (John 14:1).” Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27). When we believe that Jesus Christ is the Resurrection, and the life, those that believe in Him, though they were dead, he shall live; and whosoever lives and believes in Jesus shall never die. Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God which should come into the world. (John 11:25-27). When we, as Christian parents, teach our little ones to love Jesus we are insuring that we will see that child again. When we die we will find that precious child in the arms of Jesus.
Reference:
Bakker, Janel Kragt and Paris, Jenell. December 2013. Bereavement and Religion Online: Stillbirth, Neonatal Loss, and Parental Religiosity. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion. Volume 52 Number 4.
Cite Article Source
MLA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne “Losing a Child to Death:.” Becker Bible Studies Library Feb 2015.< https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=2228,>.
APA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2015, February) ” Losing a Child to Death:.” Becker Bible Studies Library. Retrieved from https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=2228,.
Chicago Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2015) ” Losing a Child to Death:.” Becker Bible Studies Library (February), https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=2228, (accessed).
