Dealing with and Surviving Betrayal
Samson and Delilah is a story of betrayal. Samson betrayed the LORD and Delilah, Delilah betrayed Samson, her husband. Betrayal hurts no matter who is doing the betraying. It is more devastating when the betrayal comes from a person you are supposed to trust especially if it is by a family member. Philippians 4:7 gives us a way of dealing with and surviving betrayal. “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Place all those emotions and feelings from the betrayal at the feet of Jesus. Then move forward in your life. Every time a new pain or emotion comes up because of the betrayal again place it at the feet of Jesus and move forward.
There are many kinds of betrayal in life. It can happen when we are young or old and anywhere in between. Betrayal hurts and you have to work hard to move forward in your life after a betrayal. Whatever the reason for the betrayal it causes resentment, anger, guilt, fear even helplessness in one’s life. The way you chose to handle this betrayal experience will make a difference in how you choose to respond to your life with relationships with others and the way you feel about yourself. Betrayal is a breach of trust. This deception can leave your world shattered especially if it is by a husband, wife, parents, children or immediate family member. You could feel alone, abandoned, at risk and even depressed.
Soul wrenching betrayal transpires when those people who are closest to you, the ones who know your very soul, attacks for whatever reason. It does not matter if the act of betrayal was deliberate, an accident of just something that happened. Family members know you inside out and it is easy to know the weakest areas in your life. They know the buttons to push and how you will react to the button pushing. That is why it is so devastating when betrayal happens. The pain it causes the fear and even resentment can and will linger for years.
Betrayal can destroy self-esteem, any relationship and destroys trust of any kind. Trust is vital for a person surviving in this world. Trust requires faith in the basic integrity of someone. There are times when everyone needs to be able to trust someone in this life. Somehow you must find a way to forgive the betrayal and move on with life.
Forgiveness can help you move forward. John 14:27 tells us about the peace Jesus has left for us. It is His peace that He gives to us; the world cannot give us the peace we need. That peace that can help us survive betrayal can only come from Jesus Christ. “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
Please understand that forgiveness does not mean allowing that person back into your life. It means regaining the peace of mind that comes when you can get past the hurt from betrayal. Forgiveness is a transferal in your awareness of what has happened in the betrayal. Acknowledging the betrayal was not your fault and releasing the feelings of anger, resentment maybe even hatred and reaching for a peace of mind. Next you have to start trusting yourself and stop blaming yourself for the reason the other person betrayed you.
Think of it this way if you found a wild dog, you trained it and even trusted its loyalty then all of a sudden it turned on you. Would you have hurt feelings? Would you blame your training ability? Would you hate the dog for being a wild dog? A person who knowingly betrays a loved one is no better than a wild dog. A wild dog will never ask for forgiveness or even know it betrayed. It would be doing what his character dictates it to do.
Healing the wounded heart from betrayal takes taking one day at a time. It takes endurance to learn to trust again. The human heart can survive many things but it is hard to learn to trust again after a deep betrayal from someone we believe we should trust. Once the foundation of trust has been breached the faith in humanity can distract our life journey and the mission that the Lord has for us to do. Understanding it takes baby steps to take one day at a time. There are no magic pills that will make the pain go away or to repair the damage that has been done to one’s self-worth.
The first baby step is to accept that the betrayal has happened. The first reaction usually is depicted by shock, denial, or even minimizing the betrayal. There is such a thing as a healthy amount of denial for our survival. Do not pretend or deny the existence of a betrayal. Do not defend any reason it happened. Do not blame yourself. It is not wrong to expect a sincere apology from the betrayer. The chances that an apology will happen are slim to none. Do not put your life on hold, or hold your breath that an apology will come. When there is a lot of pain involved with a betrayal you can only process a little at a time. Allow the processing to be done when you are strong enough to accept the full extent of the betrayal. When you can accept the betrayal for what it is you can move past it. Remember the wild dog example.
The next step is to express the feelings the betrayal has left you with. Accept that there can be fear, anger, rage, hurt, pain, sadness and even grief. Before you can move on you must verbalize the feelings. It is normal to want to annihilate the betrayer, even name calling helps to get the feelings to the surface so they can be dealt with. It is a type of self-protection and it is inevitable. Once those expressed feelings are out in the open we need to take control of those expressed feelings and deal with them. It is human nature to experience all these feelings from a betrayal.
There needs to be a place made for these emotions we feel because of the betrayal in order to move forward in healing and surviving betrayal. It is human nature to feel the anger toward those who have betrayed. Everyone experiences these emotions differently. Just be gentle with yourself and these different emotions start to surface. Once emotion surfaces deal with it and honor the emotion for what it is. Then learn from it and take control of it, your healing and surviving betrayal depends on it. Most of all move forward and grow from the experience.
We need to know why the betrayal happened, if there was anything we could have done to prevent it, and the list goes on these are normal questions. We must be careful that we do not lose track of our self in these questionings. We must be careful that we do not get caught up in learning the details of our betrayal that we lose track of our growth process. We need to place our trust in the Lord to guide us in dealing and processing betrayal.
Remember that you should always take your pain, grief, anger even rage to the Lord. Know that there is no trial that is not known by Him. Jesus Christ understands betrayal because He was betrayed by Judas Iscariot into the hands of men. He was betrayed unto the chief priests and unto the scribes, and they condemned Him to death. (Matthew 17:22). We can get the strength to endure because the Lord knows our trials and the betrayal we feel. Psalm 37:12-15 is a reminder: “The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming. The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation. Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.”
Betrayal is also a form of persecution. When you are mistreated and persecuted on account of your faith in Jesus Christ know that you are living godly in Christ Jesus and you are going to suffer persecution. Especially the times we live in where evil is waxing worse and worse, deceiving there is going to be more betrayal and persecution. We have known what the scripture says since we were children and these things are going to happen. (2 Timothy 3:10- 15).
Philippians 4:7 gives us a way of dealing with and surviving betrayal. “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Place all those emotions and feelings from the betrayal at the feet of Jesus. Then move forward in your life. Every time a new pain or emotion comes up because of the betrayal again place it at the feet of Jesus and move forward. When a person betrays another person it is in their character to do so. If a person betrays once they will betray again and again. This is not a reflection of you it is a reflection of the betrayer.
Cite Article Source
MLA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne “Dealing with and Surviving Betrayal:.” Becker Bible Studies Library Oct 2014.< https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=1689,>.
APA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2014, October) “Dealing with and Surviving Betrayal:.” Becker Bible Studies Library. Retrieved from https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=1689,.
Chicago Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2014) “Dealing with and Surviving Betrayal:.” Becker Bible Studies Library (October), https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=1689, (accessed).
Joanne B. Holstein is a Becker Bible Studies teacher and author of Guided Bible Studies for Hungry Christians. She has received her Master of Science degree in Psychology/Christian Counseling with honors from Liberty University. She is well-known as a counselor to Christian faithful who are struggling with tremendous burden in these difficult times. She is a leading authority on the history of development of the Christian churches and the practices and beliefs of world religions and cults.
