Disciplining a Child
There is a difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment usually takes the form of revenge, anger, even the withdrawing of love. Discipline is focus on changing the behavior. It is better to use discipline rather than punishment. Punishment doesn’t teach children anything except revolting against the parents. Training a child in the way he should go is the responsibility of the parents. (Proverbs 22:6).
Disciplining of a child is not an easy subject to address. Children are not preprogrammed with a set of successful boundaries. Parents did not get a “how to book” for the right and wrongs of raising children. Children are unique and each require different types of discipline. The real key to the challenging work of bringing up our children correctly is to create an environment of nurture and loving instruction in which their hearts become filled with the truth of Christ. It is the heart of the child we as parents must nurture. Discipline is teaching children character, self-control, and moral behavior. It is expected from all Christian parents.
It is true that to discipline your child is perhaps the greatest child-rearing challenge facing parents. It is important to remember there is a different between discipline and punishment. Behavioral psychologists define punishment as inflicting pain or other negative effects for the sake of reducing a particular behavior. Discipline directs behavior in more positive directions. Behaviorists have documented that punishment tends to be less effective than discipline, because punishment tends to make children anxious and reduces their ability to learn from a particular incident. (Benner, 1999. Pg. 182).
Boundaries are essential for all children at any age. The hope is for your children to be able to set their own boundaries. Boundaries define limits and mark the division between one area of our life and another. It is essential to teach children boundaries so our children will be responsible adult. It is the parent’s responsibility to prepare their children for their future. This can be accomplished only when parents put boundaries in place and teach their children there are consequence for not respecting these boundaries. The fundamental nature of boundaries is self-control, responsibility, freedom and love. (Cloud, H. & Townsend, J. 1998 p. 19).
It is important to give adequate warning ahead of time as to “What Behavior Is Not Acceptable.” If it is a first time offense they should not be disciplined. The problem should be defined and then established a consequence should fit the unacceptable behavior. A consequence should be established ahead of time and it must be clearly understood and fair. This is a parent’s decision as to what consequence will be enforced it is not negotiated it is enforced. This is where consistency comes into play. Once a rule is broken then action is required and the defined discipline should take place. It is okay the first time to make allowances if it is warranted, and leave room for forgiveness and reconciliation.
Parents can cause their children to fume with resentment and annoyance and they can turn against the parents. Parents should never be surprised when their children react with anger and defiance to the authority of their parents. There has been a number of ways suggested that need to be addressed. Overprotection or smothering children by being overly strict about simple things like where they can go and what they can do. Children need guidance and limitation. Until they break the rules that have been set forth it is better to have too much trust rather than to much control. Keeping children restricted and overprotected it making the statement you have no confidence in them. (MacLeod. 2010. Pg 17). You can anger your children by fencing them in too much. Smothering them. When a parent never trusts their children, never giving them the opportunity to develop their independence it makes them feel suffocated and defeated. (MacArthur. 2008. Pg. 136).
The world we live in today is not a safe place for children especially children belonging to the Lord Jesus Christ. Now we have the biggest problem facing parents today. We hurt our children if we over protect them and we hurt them if we do not protect them enough.
Children do need some amount of freedom and independence in order to grow, to learn, and to make their own mistakes. They will never learn to handle responsibility unless they are given a degree of liberty. Mothers who tie their children to their apron-strings are merely fostering resentment. And fathers who refuse to give their children breathing room will infuriate their children. Ephesians tells fathers to not provoke their children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4). Children are to obey their parents in the Lord: for this is right. Children are to honor their father and mother, which is the first commandment. This is so it may be well with them and they may live long on the earth. Parents are warned not to provoke their children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4).
Having and building a relationship with your child is more important than being the ruler over the child. Remembering you are the parent not the friend to the child. Focus needs to be concentrated on changing the heart of the child not just changing their behavior. Being able to see through the eyes of the child and see what they are seeing. When a parent can see through the eyes of their child then understanding can be gained from both the parent’s viewpoint and the child. Then and only then can change begin to take place.
The precise discipline that is used is less important than the ongoing relationship between parent and child. When discipline is done out of love, and as soon as possible, and done appropriately to the disobedience it is going to be effective. Parents should help their child to recognize the meaning of cause-and-effect in any situation. There are consequences to anything that is done. And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: (2 Timothy 3:16).
There are two types of parents the permissive and the authoritative parent. Permissive parents are warm and loving but they tend to avoid setting clear limits or boundaries for their children. The children are responsible to set their own limits and regulate their activities. The permissive parents believe this lack of demands is what is best for the children. There is a tendency for low self-esteem and a limited ability for self-control this makes the children less happy and less adjusted when it comes to adulthood. (Benner. 1999. Pg 183).
The authoritative parents also can be warm and consistent. They usually provide clear guidelines for positive behavior. The discipline that is provided focus more on the issues rather than by the fear of punishment or the fear of withdrawing love. These parents are more likely to explain why the behavior is inappropriate. The children are more obedient because there is an understanding of the consequences of the inappropriate behavior. Children of authoritative parents have a tendency to be more self-reliant, exhibit more self-control, are more self-assertive and are usually the high achievers. (Benner. 1999. Pg 183).
There are vital lessons that parents should teach their children. Using the Bible especially the book of Proverb gives a clear lesson in wisdom parents can share with their children.
Teach Your Children to Fear Their God
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Children are to hear the instruction that is the discipline of the father, and not to forsake the law of the mother. That is the direction and instruction. (Proverbs 1:7-8). Parents need to teach their children at the earliest age that the LORD God judges the righteous, and gets angry with the wicked, and He will punish evildoers. (Psalm 7:11–13).
This principle is the beginning of responsibilities of parenthood and the submitting of your children to your authority. It is being consistent and firm in discipline that children may learn to obey and fear violating the standards and morals that you as parents set down for them. The fear of the LORD prolongs days: but the years of the wicked shall be shortened. The hope of the righteous shall be gladness: but the expectation of the wicked shall perish. (Proverbs 10:27).
Teach Your Children to Obey Their Parents
King Solomon writes in the Proverbs: “My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life.” (Proverbs 6:20–23).
Obedience is a basic need for children to learn and it is important for parents to teach their children. Obedience to the parents leads to the obedience of the LORD. Children who have learned to be obedient also learns to be faithful and live righteous lives. Honor your father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise). That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. (Ephesians 6:2–3).
Teach Your Children to Select Their Companions
Most parents recognize the problem of peer pressure. There is no principle in the rearing of children that is vital and yet more ignored than this one teaching their children to select their companions wisely. Solomon wrote, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20). Parents must take the offensive on this. If you do not help your children select, and help them learn to select for themselves, the right kind of companions, the wrong kind of companions will inevitably select them. The responsibility of teaching children how to choose their friends wisely is therefore a fundamental element of successful biblical parenting. (MacArthur. 1998 pg 89).
Parents have the responsibility to encourage their children to surround themselves with righteous companions. Children must be encouraged to avoid the ungodly standards of conduct by the wrong kinds of peer pressure.
Parenting is a lifetime occupation that encompass every season of life. Disciplining is only one aspect of parenting. It requires love, nurturing and admonition that only you as a faithful parent can provide. When a parent leads by example it is easier for the children to understand what is expected of them not only in their home life but also on their journey with the LORD.
Reference:
Benner, David G. and Hill, Peter C. (1999). Baker Encyclopedia of Psychology & Counseling, Baker Reference Library. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Books.
Cloud, H. &Townsend, J. (1998). Boundaries with Kids. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
MacArthur, John. (1998). Successful Christian Parenting: Raising Your Child with Care, Compassion, and Common Sense. Bedford, Tex.: Word Pub.
MacArthur, John. (2008). What the Bible Says About Parenting: Biblical Principles for Raising Godly Children. Thomas Nelson Publishers; Nashville, TN.
MacLeod, David J. (2010): “Marriage Makes a Home: Divine Counsel for Fathers (and Children): An Exposition of Ephesians 6:1–4,” Emmaus Journal 19
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MLA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne “Disciplining a Child: .” Becker Bible Studies Library Oct 2014.<https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=1565,>.
APA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2014, October) “Disciplining a Child:.” Becker Bible Studies Library. Retrieved from https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=1565,.
Chicago Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2014) “Disciplining a Child:.” Becker Bible Studies Library (October), https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=1565, (accessed).
