The Journey of Breast Cancer as seen through my eyes, a surviver
Everyone who has been diagnosed with having breast cancer has a story. I am no different and would like to share my spiritual journey and the thing I have learned with you.
Every day, something new came up and I was touched by the Holy Spirit. I have seen the blessings of the LORD God from the start of this journey, and His touch has been upon everyone that has come into the battle with me, my family and my friends. When we are able to look past our sorrow, and keep our eyes of Jesus, the true “Man of Sorrow” we can see great witness of Him!
My journey began in October of 2008 when the LORD God instructed me to get medical insurance. This is important because for twenty years I did not have medical coverage and had only needed medical attention maybe a dozen times in this period of time. Since I have always been obedient to the Lord I got medical insurance He has always had my best interest at heart. This did alert all of us that something big was coming down the mountain.
January 2009 I began my quest to find a regular primary care physician. February 4, 2009 I had my appointment with a wonderful woman doctor. She seemed to be interested in making up for lost time and ordered every test she could think of. I have been so healthy it was going to be hard for her to find anything wrong with me, but I complied with all her tests including a mammogram. I had had yearly mammograms after finding out that my mother had died of breast cancer and before she died she had called be to remind me to have a yearly mammogram. I was not worried because the year before there was a normal finding.
February 13th, was my mammogram appointment. We went to breakfast and then on to the appointment. They had changed the quality of the print out for the mammograms and I got to see one of the images. I cannot tell you how impressed I was with the clarity of the mammogram. It was exceedingly beautiful. It main thing is I saw nothing abnormal and went about getting the rest of my tests I had to do.
Wednesday, February 18th, I went back to find out everything the test showed. What a wonderful appointment that was. I had mild changes on the bone scan, all the blood tests were normal including the cholesterol. The best she could come up with was to put me on calcium, something to make my bones stronger and fish oil. I was dancing with excitement. The only test that was not back was the mammogram and she would call me when they found out the results. She wasn’t worried because if there was anything wrong it would have been back.
We decided, out of the blue, to try a new church that Sunday February 22nd and fell in love with this little church and the people there in. We had decided we would continue to go. The children loved the Sunday school and youth group opportunities. We decided this would be a good home church for us. I mention this because it had been a long time finding a church that felt like home. We are so busy writing Bible Studies and living in God’s precious Word that finding a church that spoke His word was difficult. This little church was very up lifting.
It was 9:45 am Monday, February 23, when I got the phone call from St. Joseph hospital saying I needed to get another mammogram and the appointment was for the next day. I was stunned and shocked beyond words. Time stood still and my very soul knew I had breast cancer. In the quietness of my soul I turned to the only place I could find peace. I prayed a pray that day asking that this journey would be taken hand in hand with my precious Jesus that I might give the glory to Him and my Heavenly Father. Psalm 103: 1-3 “A Psalm of David. Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. 2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;” (Bible, KJV). brought peace to my soul it reminded me that I could tell my precious David, the love of my life what I found out.
I did some research and knew I had to be ready to find answers to my questions. First I had to know the questions. I knew there were two types of calcifications 1. Macro, meaning large deposits and they are not really to be feared. 2. Micro which are tiny scatterings of calcifications. They looked like little grains of salt. This one is the one I did not want to have. Tomorrow would give me the answers I needed; there was no use sharing my suspicious with the family at this point.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009 my second mammogram. The lady was shaking after processing the films and I ask to see the suspicious abnormality. She pulled up the spot they were questioning. I saw the micro-calcification shining brightly on that mammogram. I knew it was a great possibility that I had Ductal Carcinoma I would pray it was in Situ. A term I had learned in my study the day before; it means that the cancer is contained in the duct and not infiltrated throughout the breast. The rest of the week I just survived trying to maintain some kind of normalcy. It was so difficult because I was numb, I did not know what to think, what to do, or even what to say.
Friday, February 27, 2009 was another phone call from St. Joseph telling me they found abnormal findings that needed additional attention. I called my primary care office so they could tell me the next step and maybe even reassure me somehow that there had been a mistake. The office is not open on Fridays; I had to endure the weekend with this dread deep inside my very soul. Psalm 30:4-5 tells us “Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness. 5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (Bible, KJV). I would wait for the joy that comes in the morning. I have put my trust in the hands of Jesus and was determined to take this journey with Him. David and I decided to tell the rest of the family at this point because we were in such a state of shock they would know something was going on.
We called a family meeting and sat in the living room with the bright sun shining in. I was aware of the warmth of the sun on my back and had a moment of peace and serenity as I waited for the family to all gather. I felt protected and very much watch over. David handled our suspicions so well and very gentle. 2 Timothy 2:3-12 speaks of being a good soldier of Jesus Christ and it reminded me of the suffering Jesus went through on my behalf. Just like Paul endured his hardships faithfully I intended to endure my hardships for the sake of Christ just like verse 12 says “If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:” (Bible, KJV).
Sunday March 1, 2009 did find us as a family going to our little church. It was such a blessing for all of us. I received a personal message from my Jesus and my precious Heavenly Father. The songs were all chosen for me to give me encouragement and strength and most of all love. Just in case the message was not enough I was given a special blessing from Alyssia. This beautiful lady had been sitting behind me and noticed my tears during the songs and she allowed me to see Jesus through her hugs and through her eyes. I got the message loud and clear. I was loved, protected and not alone on this journey that was about to take place. That was the time I knew for sure I had Ductal Carcinoma, I had breast cancer. I had a firm grasp of the hand of Jesus and a firm grasps on the hand of David and together we would endure and beat this thing called cancer.
Monday, March 2, 2009, 9 am I called my primary care office to proceed to the next step of this journey. The receptionist didn’t know what the next step was and would call be back. I knew the next step and had decided to go to the Woman’s Imagery Gritman Hospital in Moscow instead of going to St. Joseph in Lewiston. I called and made an appointment for a Needle Biopsy for March 10th at 8:15 am. I didn’t have time to worry about the appointment because on Tuesday my youngest daughter, Jenny, came down with a URI and ran a fever of 103. I was up with her all night trying to keep her temp down. I came down with this flu by Friday, and my granddaughter Elizabeth had it by Saturday, by Sunday Zaccy had it. Everyone ran the same fevers and followed the same course of the disease. I had to cancel my needle biopsy because I was too weak. I rescheduled it for the following Thursday, March 12 at 8 am.
Thursday, March 12, 2009, David and I had to leave at 5:30 am for the needle biopsy. There are so supportive at the Woman’s Imagery. The needle biopsy is a very long process of trial and error. They need to get the needle exactly in the micro calcifications to better see what kind of abnormal cells are there. I was placed in a tall back arm chair and surrounded by pillows. Dr. Reisenauer came in and along with his two tech’s read the mammogram and discussed the proper position to place me in. They explained every step they were taking and why they were doing it. I was wheeled up to this miniature mammogram machine and the tech’s pulled and stretched my right breast until it was in the position they thought was right, and then took a picture; back to the reading of the mammogram type picture and then repositioning me. This happened three more times before Dr. Reisenauer told me that there was a 70% chance he was in the right place. I could either continue or go to another hospital that has a flat bed that would make it easier to find the right spot. I trusted them and elected to continue.
Friday, March 13, 2009 I got a phone call from Dr. Reisenauer who wanted me to know he had checked the films and he is now 100% sure that he was in the right spot and whatever the test results comes back with would be correct. I thanked him and then ask him that the next step would be if there were abnormal findings. He told me surgery; he continued to tell me if I were his wife or mother he would have them go to a Dr. John Visger in Moscow. I also found out that it usually took 3 days for the pathology report to come back from Spokane meaning I could have the results by Monday. I am so loved by God and still we are marching forward hand in hand with Jesus.
Monday, March 16th I waited and waited for the primary care office to call me and tell me what the results from pathology were. No phone call came before 4:30pm so I called them. I was told I would just have to wait until later the next day or Wednesday. If it was anything bad they would have let me know. I was told to stop worrying and she would have the doctor call whenever they got the result. I still had not heard from them by Thursday and was determined I would not go through the weekend wondering and worrying. So I called the office again. This time the rudeness was over powering. The receptionist told me that my doctor was not in the office and they did get the result the other day, but there is no one to tell me the results until Monday. I was not going to wait I called the tech at the Woman’s Imagery, Becky, and told her what had happened and ask if I could talk to Dr. Reisenauer. He was not in so beautiful Becky talked to Dr. Golden, another radiologist, who called me within 5 minutes. He was so kind and gentle when he told me there were still some atypical cells around the calcifications and it was recommended that I have an excisional lumpectomy to biopsy how big this calcification was. This time I called Dr. John Visger and got an appointment to see him on Monday at 1:30pm. It is interesting to note that the rude Kerry called me at 6:20 pm to tell me again that she had the report but could not find anyone to read it to me and no one was going to be in the office until Monday, I would just have to wait, she was sure it was normal.
Monday, March 23, 2009, was my appointment with Dr. Visgar. He is very young and very nice his staff were all top rate and I feel safe and secure in his hand. He scheduled my surgery for March 30th at 9:30am. My first top would be back to Radiology at Gritman so they could up a cooper feed wire into the area then somewhere between 10:30 and 11 am have the surgery. I would not have to be there over night. I had an appointment for April 6th for a follow up with him. It was nice to have someone in control to tell us what to expect and what we were going to do. David and I are so use to controlling the lives of those God had put into our hands, it was wonderful to have someone take charge of our lives that has been sanctioned by God.
I worked as a nurse for over 25 years and it was always helpful when patients would write down the medications they were taking. There are too many patients who still look at doctors as being more than what they are. It is so important for patients to take an active role in their care and do what is comfortable, asking questions, sharing their previous treatments, previous medications and if there were any side effects to the treatments or medications. It equally important that all this is done before the appointment because the day of the appointment they cannot remember their name let alone their anything else. It was so surprising that when I became the patient I lost my nursing capacity and couldn’t remember anything that was said. The first time we saw the surgeon I shook like a leaf and David had to help fill out the forms. I could not remember my name and really wanted to write down someone else’s name. Now we write down our questions before hand and we do a lot of research because education helps us to better understand our choices. I did not expect God to cure the cancer especially since my mom and dad both died of cancer within two years of each other. Cancer is in the genes and because of that it happens. It is like this is my cross to pick up and carry. If it wasn’t cancer them maybe it would be diabetes; heaven forbid because I love my ice cream and my sugary treats. Trust me when I say I would not give them up because I would not.
I do know and have great faith that at every turn of this journey I will have the love, strength and endurance of Jesus Christ. He will be there for my supportive loving family and will wipe the tears from their eyes. Every step of this journey has been taken hand in hand with Jesus and all for the glory to God our Father. There are so few things you can control in this process but how we view this process is in my control. I refuse to allow fear or negativity to enter into my journey. We all need to be able to turn the fear over to Christ and take the journey. See how much you grow and see the joy and the peace that is only possible through Christ. Matthew 6:25 tells us “Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?”
Tuesday, March 24, 2009 I did get a call from my primary care provider, she told me she had some bad news for me. I knew that I had to have additional surgery and decided not to share with her everything was scheduled. Her bad news was the office was closing April 22nd and she didn’t know what she was going to do. She was devastated and the doctor didn’t give her any warning. I politely listened to her devastation and even counseled her to put her faith in God. The interesting part is there was no mentioned of my journey at all, no mentioned that there were abnormal findings, no mentioned I need surgery. Yet I still advance hand in hand with my precious Jesus and David.
It was a long week waiting for the surgery date to roll around. There were times of panic and tears, times of anxiety and even doubt we spent many hours on our knees praying for strength and endurance. We stayed focused and surrounded ourselves as much optimistic thoughts as we could. Our Heavenly Father placed such special people in our path to make sure things were as easy for us as possible. When we were burdened on how we were going to come up with the money for the surgery, tests and treatments God gave us a beautiful lady called Tina who worked in the finical office at Gritman who help us breath about the deductible and reassured us that the insurance we had was really good. I still stay in contact with her to this very day because of the great heart and faithfulness she showed to the Lord.
Sunday, March 29th there was a threat of 11-12 inches of snow for Monday so David and I elected to drive to Moscow instead of going to church. We were a mess my David and I it was going to be hard to keep it together around the children. We got a room at the University Inn. We spent this together time to share tears, fears, prayers, concerns and most of all our love. It was a brilliant move on our part, sometimes you just need to be alone to put your thought, fear and dreads together. There are such a mix amount of emotions that goes along with the diagnosis of breast cancer. God didn’t tell us it was going to be easy; He just promised us He would be there with us. It is still hand in hand with Jesus and David all the way.
Monday, we went to Gritman at 10 am to have the copper wire and blue dye put in place. They had to go 5 cm across and 5 cm down; it was Dr. Romey, the oldest of the Radiologist who did the procedure and he was confident he had the wire in the right place. Dr. Visger was waiting for me and within 15 minutes I was in surgery. It was hard to say good bye to David, but things went so fast there was no time to dwell on it. The staff was putting in an IV, the leggings for circulations, taking vitals, asking question, and giving instructions. The surgery lasted 50 minutes, I was in recovery for 20 minutes and we were on our way home by 2:15pm. Dr. Visgar felt he had gotten the whole lesion and it was intact but he would know by Monday.
This procedure was more painful than I though and I did not bounce back as fast as I thought I would. I really was left weak and in pain and I was very discouraged. When I changed the dressing I discovered the incision was about 2-3 inches across and my whole breast was black and blue. Impressive, my poor David almost went to his knees on this one. I was very discouraged and maybe a little depressed but I did find comfort in 2 Corinthians 4:14-18 “Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you. 15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God. 16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; 18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (Bible, KJV).
Monday April 6, 2009 was the day of the doctor’s appointment with Dr. Visgar. The pathology test was not totally finished but there was enough to know I had to think about “breast or no breast.” David and I had discussed our concerns and wrote down our questions and concerns. This was one of the smartest things we did for ourselves. My mind turned to mush. Dr. Viscar would call us once the report is finished. All David and I could do was go to the car and cry and hold each other. When David and I tried to reason through the possibilities and what would be best we became to discouraged and confused and decided to pray that God would guide Dr. Visger to make the decision that would be best. Then we did something fun for us we went to eat and even had a drink. It is always interesting how much your breasts “giggle” when you are driving in a car. I had brought a pillow to help hold the “girls” close to my chest so they did not giggle so much going home. Our stress level at this time is about a 50/10.
Wednesday April 8, 2009 we again saw Dr. Visger I have DCIS, Ductal Carcinoma in situ one of the most common forms of breast cancer. The pathology report was shocking to not only David and myself but to Dr. Visger as well. The Van Nuys Prognostic Index score was 8/9 for my chance of recurrence. My lesion was 4 cm. Now we face just have one breast removed and radiology/chemo or both breast removed. Having one breast removed radiology/chemo meant I would have to have a breast reduction because otherwise I would be lopsided. Because my mother died of breast cancer, because my Van Nuys Prognostic Index score was so high, and I did not want to have radiology/chemo the only reasonable decision I could come up with was a bilateral mastectomy. Surgery was scheduled for April 20th.
Still walking hand in hand with Jesus; this Easter Season is a great reminder of the suffering and the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. It is such a reminder that we are
It is an honor to be going through this breast cancer during Holy Week. I feel that is the one time in our Lord’s life when he was not in control, when He was his weakest, He gave us the power to live. Today is when we as Christians celebrate Passover. Passover is all about bondage. Right now all of us are in bondage and cannot free ourselves from this fear of cancer. We can do two things; we can concentrate on the natural life, all of those “what if’s” and we can all go crazy or we can put it exactly where it belongs and that is in the Spiritual realm. If you choose to keep it in the natural life then know this we would not know anything about this cancer. I would not have had a mammogram. Is that where you want to be? In the Spiritual realm know that my LORD God has had His hand in me and this cancer since October and things are going along at His Timing. I am praising God and intend to continue to Praise my God for giving me the love, support and for leading me where I need to be. We cannot remain in the bondage to the known and worry about death, or worry about what is going to happen tomorrow. That will keep us tied to the bondage that the evil one wants us. Please help me fight this battle in the Spiritual realm that is where we will win. Hebrew 2:14-15 tells us “Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; 15 And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.”
It was so important for me to recognize this is the time I desperately needed to have my soul restored and remember the importance of relying of my Lord Jesus Christ. This is the only way I am going to get spiritual freedom and the peace that can only come for Jesus. I am not sure how I personally could survive without my daily communication with God. This has been a difficult month for my family and for me as well. I am so thankful that we are a family knowing the all things are possible in and through Jesus Christ and no matter what He is there to walk hand in hand with us. We elected to include all the family in every part of this journey with breast cancer. It was a difficult decision for me because I am the rock of our family. I take this responsibility very seriously and sincerely. I was not sure how strong I could be for them. I pray continuously that they can find the peace as spoken of in John 14:27 says about the peace that only comes from Jesus. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
I am so thankful that we got to celebrate the Easter season with the family and had a break from the cancer and surgery. We didn’t go to church on Easter because we thought it was important not to expose me to any diseases. We had a blessed Easter celebration at home. I need to be as healthy as I can be in order to get through the next part of the journey.
Friday, April 17.2009 David and I went to pre op check in to make sure all is ready for my surgery Monday. We decided to get a hotel room for two nights. We would leave Sunday and check out Tuesday. David chose who would go with him and up hold him on Monday. It is going to be very stressful for him. The rest of the family will stay home and stay busy. I wanted to leave before the tears over came us so badly that we wouldn’t be able to drive. I packed little bag of munches and special things I thought would help David and our oldest son to cope while they were waiting. There were bible verses and instruction to eat and drink, and notes that said don’t worry, I love you, I promise to return.
Monday April 20, 2009 checked in to the hospital and first had to go to the radiology lab to have the radioactive dye put in for sentinel lymph node biopsy. The sentinel nodes are the first lymph node that cancer cells are likely to spread to. The sentinel lymph nodes are hard to find without a radioactive dye substance. This is a common test to make sure the cancer has not spread outside the breast. It took 3 hours to make sure the radioactive dye had spread to the lymph node. Then it was off to surgery. It was difficult to say good bye to my David and Lee.
My surgery lasted 4 hours. I don’t remember being in recovery but remember being in my room. There was a feeling of great relief that it was over and we could not move forward toward recovery. We all survived and
Matthew 6:34 says “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” Taking one day at a time, having conversation with the Lord and knowing He has all of us in the palm of His hand and we have no worries has been a great comfort to me during this incredible journey. I praise God for this opportunity to share the closeness and the love I have felt many times in this journey. I believe this journey has helped to give me a richer relationship that reflects that absolute “head over heels” state of love for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Cite Article Source
MLA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne “The Journey of Breast Cancer as seen through my eyes, a survivor:.” Becker Bible Studies Library Mar 2022.< https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=4213,>.
APA Style Citation:
Holstein, Joanne (2022, Mar) “The Journey of Breast Cancer as seen through my eyes, a survivor:.” Becker Bible Studies Library. Retrieved from https://guidedbiblestudies.com/?p=4213,.
